I'm super p****d off at EVERYTHING TODAY! I DELETED MY FACEBOOK I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE. MY "FRIENDS" TREAT ME LIKE SOME CRAZY FOOL. AT WORK.. OUTSIDE WAS JUST TO NOISEY.. CARS CARS CARS.. ENGINES, KIDS SCREAMING, DOGS BARKING. LEAVE ME ALONE WORLD.

I've never had a blog before! But this seems a better idea than my crazy angry outbursts on facebook, i think i will write here! I'm now nearly one month of my meds and my thoughts are going crazy, i am back to square one, i was warned not to come off them, but i didnt listen i wanted so much to lose weight, and these meds were stopping me! Also i read bad things about the medication that it was linked to sudden death. I had been on them 2 years. My thoughts.. my thoughts are all over the damn place. Everything is making me RAGE but INSIDE me as i cant let my anger out... i think i am to scared to, and i DONT want to, i dont want to be that kind of person, i am caring, honest and kind. I will not let my other self out. It stays in my head and eats away at me, im not always like this, but it happens now and again. I am not a bad person and i will never be a bad, violent person. My bipolar and AvPD conflict though i think its a good thing.. id kill myself if i ever shouted at someone or started a fight. Ok maybe not kill myself and i would punish myself. No. No. No.
In a few weeks i will forget all this stuff and be back to having a million goals and training, and going out with friends again, but for now.. i need to be alone.

Faster, I dream in speeds of ashes
My heart it beats and crashes
I’m running from the truth
Cause it f*cks with my mind
Help I'm losing, help I'm falling
Life is silent, the earth is calling
Every reason, every nighttime
And every day starts and ends in sunlight
But I'm not okay with this vicious cycle
Something's broken, it seems unnatural
The shapes are wondrous, but loosely woven
The sounds are deafening, and time is frozen.

Some of my fav lyrics from a band called Angels & Airwaves, If you havnt heard of them i highly recommend checking them out. The band is like an art project.

The band has a vision for their music, which is not just a listening experience but something that involves videos and films paired with music to engage both imagery and sound for a unique, unparalleled experience. I recently got a tattoo its of an astronaught sitting on the moon, its from one of their albums and films. Basically the astronaught gets stranded in space.. he has lost contact with all humans and is sitting looking down to earth watching all the wars and earth falling apart. The tattoo represents Isolation, and its how i have felt my whole life.